Is perfect guy a shortcut to happiness?

One popular theme that is emerging in our DrivenWoman groups is finding the right guy. Well, you’d guess it. Finding the right partner is a pretty important part of a great life. You see, DrivenWoman is not just about doing what you want career-wise. It’s about creating a fantastic life. A life that is perfect for you however you define it!

Why do women think that a solution to a great life and happiness is to find a perfect man?

Is it all the princess fairy tales we get to read when we are young? Or is it the ancient history women and our role as a reproduction unit? To have babies you don’t necessarily have to find the right guy  (just a guy) or to be happy.

Firstly, there is no such thing as perfect. And if you do find a man who actually thinks he’s perfect, you should avoid him at all cost. They are the worst and will never be interested in anyone else’s happiness except their own!

Secondly, none else can make us happy for longer than, say, a year or so.

If you are interested to know what romantic love really is, watch this TED talk by Helen Fisher. Romantic love is a chemical reaction, an addiction that will pass.

We believe lasting happiness comes from understanding who you are and who you want to become. It comes from uncompromisingly living the life you were meant to live and not trying to please anyone. Happiness comes from working hard and helping others. It comes from challenging yourself, overcoming obstacles and sweating your ass off. It comes from being who you really are – to the fullest!

I think women simply think a great guy is a short cut to happiness. They are too lazy or scared to find out who they are so they look for a shelter in others. It is easier (at first) to hold on to someone else rather than to step outside of your comfort zone and start exploring yourself.

I don’t believe in short cuts.

Last time I took that kind of a short cut I ended up playing a role of ‘a perfect wife’ married to a perfect husband. I’m not actually about twinsets and saying the correct thing at dinner parties, am I! If you have been following this blog you know that I’m talking about my first husband. It didn’t last.

The only advice there is for finding a man is: find yourself first!

You will save yourself approximately seven years, possibly even more, and likely a messy divorce with at least two kids which you then will end up co-parenting which will tie you down financially and geographically. So don’t do it!

But I’m already 35 years old!” you shout.

So f**ng what!?

The faster you start working on finding yourself, doing what you love and stop being afraid – the sooner the right guy will appear in your life. Yes, appear.

How could you attract the right guy until you are right anyway?

Like with anything in life, if you go chasing something desperately it will run away. My favourite advice on luck comes from Felix Dennis (the millionaire publisher and author of ‘How To Get Rich’): “My advice concerning luck is to laugh in the face of the Lady when she presents herself. Take what you will of her bounty and act swiftly to take advantage of good fortune. But never thank her for it. And forget her the moment she leaves to seek another victim.”

When it comest to luck (or to finding a man) you should keep yourself busy doing what you must do and what makes you happy and completely ignore chasing luck, or men. The contradiction is that it’s the only way to attract luck, or great men!

Good luck!

~ Miisa

8 thoughts on “Is perfect guy a shortcut to happiness?

  1. I have just been to DrivenWoman Entrepreneur Clinic. Inspiring, motivating, needed for anyone wanting to be someone Thankyou

  2. miisa’s right….concentrate on yourself. by this I mean put yourself 1st, 2nd & 3rd. its not selfish to be self-sufficient. in fact its a very attractive quality 😉

  3. I couldn’t agree more with the rationale behind this post. My partner and I met when we were very ‘together’ in ourselves – both of us were enjoying life to the full with friends having had brilliant summers, I had just finished a Masters and was off to live abroad and he was successfully pursuing a career he loved. We were both busy and neither wanted a relationship – something we made very clear over our first dinner. A couple of weeks later, in total contrast to feelings towards ex-boyfriends, I knew I would marry him (and vice versa so I’m told…)

    When we met, I was very happy with who I was/where I was going, as was he – and it showed!! Passion, excitement, positivity, confidence = very attractive assets. What was completely overwhelming though was how each of us fully respected each other as we were – sounds simple but then and still now, neither of us tried to change the other, change what they wanted to do or take away their independence, because we both loved who the other was – he inspired me to be a better, more passionate person, and vice versa. I still left after a few weeks to live abroad for 6 months and he continues to travel with work. That we give each other the freedom to be who we want to be without ridicule, disrespect or condemnation is something I cherish (having had past relationships when I perhaps wasn’t strong enough in who I was and listened to guys who told me not to do certain things/act in certain ways) and it’s something that builds an incredible amount of trust and mutual respect.

    For that to be have been the dynamic from the start though, we both had to know individually what we were about and where we wanted to go, otherwise how do you know if the person stood before you is going to help you get there? Had we met a few years earlier, I rather doubt if we’d have got together then, let alone still be together now. So it’s simple: find yourself – what you believe in and who you would truly love to be, and start working towards it – then the guy will find you.

  4. Loved Gemma’s comment…….For me…. If I knew then what I know now I am sure my idea of the perfect relationship would had been undoubtedly different. We do without even consciously thinking about it believe that being in a relationship will somehow validate who we are in society. What the saying “this is my other half” What half the best half /the worst what!!!!. I am not denying that being in a relationship is lovely but it should not be the measure of you. On too many occasions I have heard “why are you not in a relationship, there must be something wrong”. Why ??? Maybe the time is not now and why can’t it be just that. Gemma is right your partner should be an addition to you someone you look to for advise but not to control you or someone who dictates what your mood should be from day to day.

    Believe in your happiness.

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